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Melissa
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
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2005.05.02 20.37
< font color=black>[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<font=big>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] < font color=black><b><font=big>I dont know whats going on..I feel weird about every one..Maybe its because I have had a really bad day and no one seems to care..for example I started to talk to my bf about what happened and he didnt seem to be paying any attention.. all he cared about was his failing grades..I am tired of not being able to lean on any one...
I am so pissed that I cant even say every thing I want to say...He wonders why I always keep him at a distance...this is why.. i give him a chance to get close..but alas, he doesnt deserve to have all of me so he shall stay in the distance.. I dont care how long we stay together, he has to earn all of me....and thats how it is...he has no fuckin problem with giving his money..but when it comes to attention when I need it hes not here. You cant buy my true devotion and admiration...he is so fucking lucky I do love him and that he is who I want...and I do need him to a degree..but I can live with out him if I have to ...I dont really need him Or any other man to make me whole...
i think I am expressing my self very maturely...some times I swear...this will probably get back to him..i dont care.. he knows my intentions.
hes also in trouble for not givin me some..
Mood:  angry
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2005.05.02 10.31
yah i know I am hot
 so here I am, today.. I finally figured out how to put pics here...off to work! Danielle
how can i stalk you if I cant find you... i got your message, i left
you a message and still nothing...maybe if your on later we can catch
up....
love me....
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2005.05.02 06.26
its early...too early....interesting night...confussed about a message i got last night...i guess it is too late to reply or repost... i would have if i saw the message.. damn...
I dont want to go to work ..it only five hours today but I have to work to 515 today... i dont like it.
I dont know what is going on in my head...I am settled BUT am I really?
why am I depressed..
its 633 in the morning, why am I awake..I need some coffee...
I hope that there are no crazy customers today ..cause if I get yelled at today, i will probably cry..And i hope the bitch from work leaves me the fuck alone...she acts like my boss fucking hairy faced bitch. I am dieing to tell her werewolf looking ass off, but if I did, i would probaby be demoted...DAMN..I also hope that the always late cokehead doesnt touch me...eww he always has to touch me and I have made it clear that I dont like him...
I want to go away...lol I am sure there are a couple people who wish I would..lol..
I have to go and wake up my daughter so that she can go to school...
love me.................
Mood:  confused
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2005.04.28 06.20
Good morning bitches!!!
You are the Spirit of Anger. You are every inch the
bad girl. Something happened to make you so
angry and you need to channel it out, if anyone
gets in your way, they're in for a big shock.
Friends are not essential for you, you don't
care whether they're there or not. But if you
do have friends they will be the most loyal for
it takes a lot to become your friend. You
attract people to you, so a partner is no
trouble but if they can't handle you then
they're out the window.
Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Mood:  tired
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2005.04.26 19.42
why cant certain people just stay in the past.. I am not talking about enemies or old friends...just certain people that you know are not good for you...they always come around and its like they have a spell over you....I am trying to be good.. and I know that I will be its just this person has to stay away...I honestly always thought he was the one, regardless who I was with I thought about him, I thought I knew he was the one...even up to my current lova..a month before ...but now... things have changed.. i am settled...DONT ever want to get married....EVER! thought i did a couple months ago...But i think I had a cold or some thing.. any who...HE IS No good....my boyfriend has been really good to me at times....and others .. well I wont go in to that on here.. today...ill just say he has done his dirt and so have I...but forgive forget move on...yah know...ok well I have to go to sleep...work at 530am...
Mood:  mischievous
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2005.04.21 20.35
choc. covered strawberries are the shit!!!
Work sucked as usually....I think I am going to take this test for the county... so that I will make more money...
Some times i wish I was single...but then there are times he does things that shock the hell out of me...I know that even when I think about and miss being alone I cant be with out him... And I know that there is a 99.8 % chance I will never have to be with out him... He gets me... even when we argue, he is the only man that has ever dealt with me the right way. then we get over what ever it is that we argue about.
WELL, i am off to my bed with my beautiful pain in the ass daughter...she only gets to sleep with me once a week due to my work schedule and other reasons.. she has been good about it though. I thought she would bug out when she got her own room... but instead it was me... it seems like she is too far away now.. even though all i have to do is open the door and there she is...
you will never know real, deep love until you have a child.. no man or woman could ever make you feel that type of love...its not possible. you may not believe me but someday you'll see...
love me,
Mood:  loved
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2005.04.20 18.47
out of the blue my boyfriend is acting really insecure..I caught him checking my phone..(he thought I was a sleep)...this is creeping me out...
this crazy lady dropped off one of those big yellow envelopes at the desk for one of my co workers... it was also creepy...she was threatening her.. saying how she hate the albino viking and jews...and something about my coworker gonna get it like her son did...she said she swears she didnt have sex with him it was some lady..lol.. she had pictures of nails...pages upon pages of words and there definitions ... she actually had photocopies of a dictionary ...she said I am not crazy...you starve me, you starve my family, you starve my people...lol I am kind of scared to go back to work tomorrow,,..this all started because my co worker said that she would not extend a coupon or some shit..lol why the hell did they close the psych center??
ok well my boyfriend will be here at any moment...yippee...
bye... me
Mood:  scared
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2005.04.18 17.33
Miss me? yah I know you didnt but fuck it I am here anyways...
Guess what??? my broke ass finally has the ole' internet...
So I guess I am back..but instead of bitching about the bitches at dcc, I will be bitching about the bitches at work...I hate my job...its boring...I work in a cash office doing accounting shit at stupid ass s&s. It is so boring I never thought I would be sick of seeing, touching, counting or smelling money...My job is to count all the checks that come in to the store, figure out why the money is short, keep track of the overages and shortages..etc...it goes on and on.. boring ass shit..
Still with the same guy... Yah I know tell me about it...
Daughter is very good...she is playing the sponge bob movie game for ps2, right now and the soundtrack is crap!!!
It is hot as all hell out side...and in here....
ok well if you want to chit chat, catch up ..I am here...
Melissa
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2005.03.14 14.32
Life is the same...
I feel like I am thirty...
I feel tied down...I am becoming more and more aware of my fears of being to involved with people...I think that I am a year and a half too late..
It is not the people who are in my life.. it is me...boring old me..
the people in my life are good..Great. I know I am not good enough for them but I am trying like hell to be. I have promised my self not to be the old me. And I havent been, not since him.
all I do is work and I play occasionally. My parents are loosing their minds. Really they are..I was saving to move the hell out but, I know I cant, not yet at least. They need me. My mothers health is failing. My father cant hear half the things that are said. Thanks to him I now have a scar over my eye..
ok well, I have to cook dinner and clean and take care of my nephew and my chloe.
bye for now...
Melissa
Mood: sleepy
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2004.11.10 17.17
Hey at least when I fall I bounce right up....
Ok I am back...
I have a laptop that needs certain keys, I was wondering where I would get them from at very little cost..Oh and if any one knows where I can get cheap memory for the laptop that too will be appreciated.
Any who, I dont want to go home. I want to be with Andy..minus a few people he hangs with...I dont know why I bothered dating any of those fools I dated..the one for me has been right in front of me all along..
even though he knows how to piss me off real good... it is worth it...He has approximately 1 hour to call... he he...
So I am off to my home. alone..bored..horney..
Shit!...its dark....I hate driving in the dark...
love me
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2004.11.10 16.02
I'M SO CUTE AND CHUBBY! ^.^ JIGGLE JIGGLE JIGGLE.do not fear the rolls they dont swallow..unlike...
So here I am bored off my ass....Boyfriend MIA.. probably off playing Halo..bitch.. I was reading a bunch of journals and I came across [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj_username=metalhead_mike>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] So here I am bored off my ass....Boyfriend MIA.. probably off playing Halo..bitch.. I was reading a bunch of journals and I came across <lj_username=metalhead_mike>s journal and I read some of his womans journal...I almost caught a tear....I had to check and make sure I was reading the right journal.. I thought it was mine... I dont know her Mike but I love her attitude...She isnt afraid to speak her mind...good stuff!!!
Life is fucking funny....No matter whats going on, I cant get comfortable in my own skin...
Things don't happen for a reason.
There's no way I believe that anymore.
This is half of the reason why I don't put my faith in god.
This is the whole reason why I don't have faith.
I am not sure why.. well sure I am... I just dont have the money to pay a shrink to sort it all out for me...he he he he...
brb... gotta fix info...
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2004.11.08 15.59
Bold all the apply to you...
I have been:
a child
a daughter
a sister
a friend
a dancer
a member of the choir
a soloist
a thief
a liar
a confidant
a mother
a bitch
an Angel
Mean without reason
Hurt without cause
a smoker
a nurse
a wife
a daydreamer
a bride
a cleaning lady-for my house?
a chauffer
a traveler
a writer
a poet
a reader
a diarist
unfairly accused
jealous
a customer service representative
depressed
melodramatic
spiritual
aggressive
sultry
sexy
cute as a button & ugly as sin
bald
a dominatrix
vanilla
silly
bankrupt
loyal
abused
neglected
to every state except alaska
an aunt
mistaken for a man
an online game moderator
a photographer
a slob
in therapy
scared of the dark
intimidating and intimidated
maniacal
despondent
patriotic
to disneyworld
to the funeral of someone who was too young to die
inside a sex club
weepy
melancholy
understanding, misunderstanding, understood & misunderstood
comforted
to the edge of my sanity
I have...
commited random acts of kindness
cried without comfort
offered comfort to both friends & strangers
had evil thoughts
had more lovers than I'd like
driven too fast
danced too hard
drank too much
laughed too loud
said stupid shit
swore like a sailor
gossiped
committed adultery
left the scene of an accident (Not Car Wise)
depended on the kindness of strangers
been to the abortion clinic
had more than one lover in my bed at the same time(thinking about it lately)
talked behind the back of a friend
been talked about by a friend
smoked marijuana
taken speed or acid
cheated on tests
danced in the rain
made love in a pond under a full moon
watched a mete or shower from a waterbed in the middle of a field
cared for orphaned animals
danced in the moonlight
cared for the dying
gotten hopelessly lost in chicago
stood on the edge of a cliff
made prank phone calls
played practical jokes
suffered from road rage
made friends with people I've never seen
had a crush on a girl
watched XXX rate movies
searched for internet porn...by accident
smoked in the boys room
Gained and lost 50 lbs at least 3 times
written letters I never intended to send
sent letters I wish I'd never written
hated
loved
been loved
won a most improved bowler award
seen a UFO
acted like an idiot
misbehaved
fallen off a horse
been strong
flirted with strangers
ridden a mini bike
got lost in the woods
thought bigfoot was following me
had phone sex
read cheesy love stories
Shared a hot tub with naked strangers
broken someone's heart
had my heart broken
had cancer
I am not a vegetarian
My favorite colors are black & red.
My birthday is in aug.
I try to be very understanding.
People don't seem to get me.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone thinks about me.
I type really fast when I get in a ?groove.?
I dislike people who TypE LyKe D1s.
I don't like rap.
I enjoy punk music.
I don't know what I'm thinking sometimes. I lost my sanity.
I love thunderstorms
I hate too many things to list here.
I have lots of plans for my life.
I love learning about things that interest me.
I don't have two split personalities
I have a desire to get more tattoos.
I'm always home for the holidays
I love summer.
I cant wait to move away from here.
I have an obsession with punkrock boys
I plan on going to beauty school
I love hearing new kinds of (good) music.
I'm a highschool drop out
I wish I was not so lazy.
I have a lot of favorite songs.
I like being held and told I'm loved/cared for.
i don't play an instrument.
I have blonde in my hair
sometimes i like writing poems
i have a strange fear of squirrles
my mother is pure bitch most of the time
I dont like magazines...too much gossip
I've never auditioned for a movie.
I don't own a game cube.
I'm very creative
I really enjoy sleeping.
I love meeting new people
I love vegetables.
I love good lyrics/poems.
Sometimes I feel all alone.
I like talking to people online.
I love finding good music.
I love being online.
I love horror movies
I have a crush on someone at the moment
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2004.11.03 15.40
So I recieved a speeding ticket yesterday!!!! I tried batting my lashes which I thought worked to pretending to hyperventalate....FUCK THE POLICE!!!
Any who....
Do you know what it feels like to want something so bad, you can't stop dreaming about it. You cant get it out of your head. You confuse reality with dreams. You imagine you have it till your jerked back to the truth; which is nothing ever goes the way you want it to, and life will forever be a dissapiontment. Im really not depressed , if thats what your thinking. Im just so fucking dissapionted. Its been over a 2 years since i felt this way, the dissapointment, and believe me I never missed it. Only difference is now you know, and im not hiding it for the most part. I want it so badly, I can almost taste it. But with my karma, Ill never get it. And it will always be a distant conversation, a wish I gave with a penny that landed on an ledge half-way down the well, and never hit the bottom.
No one wants a happy ending. We all want happy middles, because we're too impatient to wait.
Do you know what a happy ending is, anyway? A happy ending is when you die, you think to yourself "That wasn't so bad."
I think that my overall impressions of people can be defined on two dimensions: Good and Nice.
They are not the same things.
I think that my overall impressions of people depends on what the person has more of. I tend to like people who are more good than nice: rough around the edges, but with hearts of gold.
Life is an extended process of gradually controlling half of your impulses. For every instinct that you act out, you must surpress another one.
If what everyone says to each other is based on what they they think the other person wants to hear, are we really telling each other anything?
class awaits...
FUCK BUSH....Not mine the president!!!
Mood: devious
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2004.10.13 15.19
i bite my tongue every time you come around, there's blood in my mouth...
Today is me and Andy's Anniversery...yipee a whole year.....I wonder what he got me..he has been super sneaky lately...we shall see...
couples that have transcended throughout history:
ROMEO & JULIET
MICKEY & MINNIE
KETCHUP & MUSTARD
ADAM & EVE
SONNY & CHER
DAISY & DONALD
BEAUTY & THE BEAST
BARBIE & KEN
ANTHONY & CLEOPATRA
BONNIE & CLYDE
FRED & WILMA
HOMER & MARGE SIMPSON
JENNIFER & BRAD
BOY & GIRL
ARNOLD & HELGA
PEBBLES & BAM BAM
JACK & JILL
ALADDIN & JASMIN
SHREK & FIONA
LANCELOT & GUENIVERE
JOHN SMITH & POCAHONTAS
SAMSON & DELILA
LADY & THE TRAMP
I do not only like the new mewithoutyou, but when I listen to it, I get butterflies, and I get short of breath. And I am NOT kidding.
Laguna Beach has me in a trance...I can't stop watching it...ew
In case anyone ever wants to buy me Starbucks/go with me to buy Starbucks, my favorite drink is a grande vanilla soy latte.thanx...
table align="center" width="250"><tr><td align="center">
</td></tr></table>
There was way too much drama last night. But, I've decided that I'll let people do as they will to me. I am not the one who will make their decision for them...it's their own conscious or soul they'll have to deal with later, not me. And if they don't have any remorse, well then I pity them.
Aquarius - Your Love Profile
Your positive traits:
You've got a ton of friends, so you have no problem meeting new people.
You're great at thinking up new things and actitives to do with your sweetie.
You tend to let the little things slide in relationships... and focus on the bigger picture.
Your negative traits:
In relationships, it tends to be your way or the highway.
You can never open up completely to someone - you have to keep parts of yourself secret.
You're cold and reserved, which leaves your partner feeling unloved.
Your ideal partner:
Flexible, because you're not going to be the one to compromise!
Is smart and quirky with lots of weird interests... including you.
A true indivdualist who doesn't care what anyone thinks
Your dating style:
Stimulating. You prefer dates that explore a shared interest - like a lecture, muesum tour, or concert.
Your seduction style:
Wacky. Your wild ideas have your lover wondering what's next.
Insatiable - it takes a lot to satisfy your desires.
Varied. You're eager to try things as soon as you learn about them.
Tips for the future:
Bring a little responsibility to your relationship - like showing up for dates!
Compromise a little. It would kill you to do things your lover's way for once.
Be aware of your parnter's jealousy. Even though you aren't jealous, realize your partner is sometimes.
Best place to meet someone online:
match.com - there's enough singles to find offbeat dates and tons of romantic adventure
Best color to attract mate: Sky blue
Best day for a date: Wednesday
Things I dislike...
1.When people use the word "titties"
2.oversleeping
3.Drinking alone
4.People with bad attitudes
5.People who borrow my stuff w/o asking
6.When I get blamed for relationship problems when it's just as much their fault as it is mine.
7.when girls shave off their eyebrows and draw them in
8.Rude People
9.Random zits that sprout up
10.hmm...there are a lot more, i just dont feel like writing them all right now, will do it later.
i love the proliferation of funny election related icons
i love spending an evening in bed reading and playing games with the phone turned off and NOT feeling guilty about it
i love eating truffles another co-worker brought me while reading in bed
i love when a co-worker calls and says you want taco bell? i love me some taco bell...and she knows my order and gives me sh*t when i order something different
i love there is no punctuation in this post after the ? in the first line
sorry for the rambling....that is all bitches
I love my precious...
HAPPY YEAR BABY....now what did you buy me...lol
I kid I kid
Mood:  ecstatic
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2004.10.06 12.56
I have been so sick....I am now getting over broncittis (SPELL CHECK???) any who, and I had another problem... but things are getting better....
I am so damn grumpy today!!! I am tired and just plain bitchy!!! I think I need a vacation....
My new job is good...My old job still sucks....
I dont want to write any more....
OH!!! Kyon now has assumed stalker status.....I mean its ok to call occationally when you are friends...but when you call me five or more times a day...that is a little much.....So I dont see a friendship with him....I have no patience for that shit!!
I get to see my precious tonight, maybe he will get me in a better mood....who knows...well I have homework to do....
R.I.P Roger Dangerfield
"I had this joke: `I played hide and seek; they wouldn't even look for me.' To make it work better, you look for something to put in front of it: I was so poor, I was so dumb, so this, so that. I thought, `Now what fits that joke?' Well, `No one liked me' was all right. But then I thought, a more profound thing would be, `I get no respect.'" - Dangerfield
Mood:  bitchy
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2004.09.29 15.40
So last night my friend Kyon (like the pepper)that I use to be really close to called me....We spoke for like two hours...He is still the same...Me and him have NEVER been any thing but friends... no dating or mating was ever involved...But he reminded me of our deal....I have two more years to settle down with some one or me and him will get married....LOL...When he reminded me I was blown away I cant believe I forgot....Any who...I have missed him...I dont know if we can be as good of friends like we use to...but I look forward to still talking occationally!
I still love my boyfriend!!
I love Chloe' Brianna more and more every time I see here beautiful smile....
I love my fucked up family....
I love the fact that I am who I am......
I love my friends......
I love my mistakes....
I love my acheivements.......
I love my body, stretch marks and all....I AM OFFICALLY A MILF!!!
I love all 129 pounds of me (Yes I lost Almost 20 Pounds over this summer, thanks to a no carb, no sugar, barely any food diet!!
I love it when my boyfriend growls....
I love it when I make his whole left side go numb...I have skills and a really strong tounge!!!
I love that even though I am hated by a few I am loved by many
I love chicken
I love coffee
I love STAR OCEAN
I love FF
I love rough sex
oral sex
poop sex
public sex
Ok well now I am done...I have to go to my one and only class.... OH!! I have another jo...get this....I NOW WORK AT A CATHOLIC SCHOOL!!!!! how funny is that shit!!
I am an assistant....I work with the little crucific fuckers... ooops I mean children.....
that is all
Mood:  calm
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2004.09.22 15.50
STAR OCEAN IS THE BEST GAME EVER!!!! its better then sex!!!
that is all
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2004.09.20 15.44
Ok well how many of you know that you can not under any circumstance boss me around???? I am not that type of girl...I am not weak or powerless (he he he, Inside thing) Well, if you know then why the hell doesnt my boyfriend of about a year (not to mention friend of about 3 years)not know this???
I love him and I was proud of not cursing him out...But it bothers me when he does that..Its like I am incapable of doing anything...You see this all started when he came over last night and I was playing "STAR OCEAN till the end of time" and every move I was making he was telling me I was wrong and dictating to me what exactly to do...of course I didnt do as he said!
He doesnt do it often, but when he does, It makes me so angry..So I didnt yell or argue...I just do my usual when he pisses me off... get quiet...layed in bed and fell asleep...NO ASS nothing....He tried and I just ignored his advances.. Thats what his ass gets..
Any who, I have to go....
love,
me
Mood: annoyed
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2004.09.13 15.45
So today is 11 months!! Its weird how people fall in to their perfect places!....
I cant stand when people use the excuse IT WAS A BAD BREAK UP!!
look at life now.... HOW CAN YOU SAY IT WAS BAD....it was the best thing that ever happened to me...now get over it! you WUSS!
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2004.09.08 15.47
Sometimes the obvious isnt quite that obvious!!
I dont have much to write...Life is the same.
Work sucks, Car insurance sucks, school sucks, Justin sucks, ciggas suck, vh1 sucks, not being able to get a HP over 9999 in ffx sucks, Anniverseries suck, relationships suck, parents suck, sex doesnt suck...
I will have the house to my self for five days...YAH BABY...can you say "sex on the new couch"?
that is all.. love melissa
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one_soul_united's journal
horny